I had a whole other blog planned for “the first blog of the year” (hence, why it has taken so long to post) but this is why I am doing this. To let out my thoughts, share my heart, and embrace the totality of being vulnerable. Hear me out when you read what I am about to type. But I did not want 2020 to be over. A huge part of me left me and my family. I wanted to stay in 2020 because I couldn’t move on into a new year without my dad. I just couldn’t. I was a total wreck on Christmas Day but I underestimated New Year’s Eve and going into 2021. As I sit here in tears, a whole week later, the pain is still the same.
Every New Year’s Eve for as long as I could remember, my family and I would be at church at 9PM ready to ring in the new year. It has been and forever will be a tradition. Entering the New Year in God’s house! Entering the year with Him because we want him to be first in our lives. Entering the New Year on our knees thanking him for bringing us this far. But this year, it was without my dad. I did not want to go anywhere on New Year's Eve (just like Christmas Day). I dreaded being around people. I just wanted to be with my family, so I went to church. I held my mom’s hand as my sister held her other hand. As I sat with them and my husband, I heard the sermon with my head down. All I wanted to do was cry. My heart wanted to explode. At midnight, when 2021 came, it did. Along with my mom’s too. I entered the New Year with such a sad & heavy heart. It was heart wrenching to say the least. If you know me, I am a person full of laughter and joy, but that night I was the opposite. I had never entered the year without a smile on my face. I missed hugging and kissing my dad and saying “Happy New Year”. I will now forever miss it. With my husband, family and church friends embracing us, it made it a little better but all I could think about is my dad not being there.
The holidays will never be the same.
With my dad in mind, I can never help but think of the man that he truly was. The imprint that he has left on my life will forever help to keep going. So I will share something that he taught me. He taught me to never stop dreaming. Every New Year’s Eve Service, our pastor would ask us to bring our dream book. This dream book would have all of our goals, dreams, and lists of what we wanted to accomplish for the coming year. I’ve had mine literally since I was a teenager. I still have it with me. Every year, around my Christmas Break, I would think about my goals, my dreams and about what I would want. I would write them down and put pictures of specific things that I wanted. I would put it all in my dream book. I had everything from a computer in there, a canopy bed, girly things, and so much more. I prayed for those things and hope that I would get them. Looking back, a lot of those dreams, goals, and wants came to pass. I was always grateful to see God’s hand in my life at such a young age. But I owe it to my parents for teaching me to always reach for more. They instilled huge life lessons for me. To dream bigger and have faith for it all! I feel like once we get older we just think about work, making money, and making ends meet. We lose the feeling of wanting the unreachable. We push things off, we leave it for tomorrow, or we say “one day”. We say that we are too tired, we do the bare minimum, and well let’s just say a lot of excuses. I know all about it honey. Because I been there. I know 2020 gave us a huge curveball but I felt that it was the push that we all needed. The push to reach our long lost dreams and not let the business of life get in the way. But instead to take a leap of faith and go forth with it no matter what comes our way.
After my dad passed, we received his belongings from the hospital. In it, was his wallet amongst other things like his glasses and his phone. But in his wallet, he carried a paper with a list of his dreams and goals for the 2020 year. He carried it with him everywhere. I am not sure if he always did that over the years, but I am not surprised if he did. He had them all categorized by the different areas of our lives: Personal, Physical, Family, Financial, Spiritual, Business, etc. Some of the things he had on the list were just…beyond me. He had one on there to be a better husband, father, and son. The thing is though, he already was.
With all of this, I want to share some of my goals with you.
One goal from each category just like my dad.
My Goals for 2021
Health/Fitness: Meal Prep at least once a week.
Spiritual: Read the entire bible.
Family: Visit and honor family more at least 2 times a week!
Financial: For Mark and I to be DEBT FREE by the end of 2021!
Business: For Boujee and Blessed to participate in 5 markets.
Personal: Release one dance concept video a month.
Some of these goals are the same as the previous year and that's okay.
I post my goals to show you for 3 reasons.
1. To encourage you
2. To inspire you
3. My own accountability
If I could give any advice for reaching your goals. Hmm I would also give you 3.
1. Have a Plan & be specific for your goals and dreams. As they say, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Gets me every time.
2. Don’t be so hard on yourself. So rest, take breaks, and give yourself grace. (I am learning how to do this MORE often.)
3. Put God first. When we can put God first in our lives everything else will come. He got you.
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
So I am really bad at closing paragraphs, but I will finish by saying this. A lot of things have become official for me and my family in this season. My Dad’s Plaque at the cemetery came in and that was hard. It’s still crazy to think that he is not here anymore. The holidays didn’t help with that. The new year was not the happiest of happies, but my dreams and goals for 2021 change my focus and perspective. The fact of the matter is that: There is still so much to look forward to. I still look forward to my business, becoming a mom one day, and being closer to my family. Life will unfortunately go on without him, but I know my daddy would want for us to keep going. He is already rejoicing because he awaits us too. But until then, I will reach my dreams and goals until it is my time. Life is too short to sit around and wait for your dreams to “magically” happen! You got this! I am rooting for all of us in 2021! Happy New Year Everyone!