Every Day is Valentine's Day
Updated: May 27, 2021
Valentine’s Day was different this year. I feel like I have a different outlook on it than previous years. Usually I am hyper focused on my husband only. But this Valentine’s I was overly grateful for all the love I have for not only him but also my family, and friends. I reflected on the Valentine's that my dad would bring us flowers and I was thankful for those moments. Also, this year Valentine’s Day landed on a Sunday. Sunday’s for us are dedicated to going to church and start the week by giving it all to God. I was super happy to spend it with my people: My husband, my family and my church family too. I love them all so much! It is truly a blessing to have them in my life.
This blog is going to be super fun because I have included my husband in this blog! When it comes to love, sex and marriage, yo girl loves to talk about it all. I’ve always felt that this topic needs more attention in order for healthy families to exist. When two people come together there can be many things that can spiral out of control because like…people are complicated. But it can also ALL be so beautiful too.
Marriage is beautiful and ugly all at the same time but one of the biggest lessons that I have learned is that it will bring out the REAL you. You have nowhere to hide. You are a complete open book and your spouse will read all about you. Marriage is a constant reflection of your true character. Ultimately, the way we were raised, habits, and trauma will show up in our relationships in some way or another. After realizing this in our first year of marriage, I had a better understanding of how I needed to move forward as a wife and woman. Mark & I have grown so much in our marriage and we are thankful for the refinement and lessons that have come with being together. It’s a humbling experience to say the least.
About 2 weeks ago I asked you all to give Mark & I some questions. Anything you wanted to know. I thought it’d be fun to answer them together! Thank you to all who submitted questions. But before we start to answer those, here are 5 fun facts about us!
1. Mark and I are CREATIVES. I am a dancer and Mark is a mixed media artist. (Fun fact: We both at some point in our lives wanted to date/marry from our own creative lane BUT we are so glad we didn’t! We thrive on giving each other constructive criticism on each other’s craft instead of competing/comparing with one another.)
2. We are 6 years apart. We are very much young tho. Don’t get it twisted. ;)
3. On our first meet up (not a date) we sat down on a bench after running and bird poop fell on him. My poor baby, he was so embarrassed.
4. My love language is Words of Affirmation & Physical Touch. Mark’s love language is also Physical Touch & Acts of Service. (He finally admitted Acts of Service, oh and yo girl is failing at that part)
5. Me and Mark go together like coffee and pan dulce <3 tehe He can’t go without his coffee and I need pan dulce for my coffee often.
Okay here we go with your questions! These were super exciting to answer. I will also have you all know that the answers to these were mostly recorded on a voice note so it could be a raw conversation so everything is natural and fresh out of our minds. Lol I did it interview style. So I hope it makes sense!
Who made the first move?
Deborah: I did. Deborah made the first move honey. Lol Long story short, I had seen him at a performance show in the Summer of 2013 & weeks later I sent him a FB message simply to invite him to paint at a Worship Night with the arts because I knew he was an live artist. BUT it wasn’t until months later that I text him after another show that he was in and that I volunteered at. I text him that same night with the pictures that I took of him and I said, “Look at this amazing artist.” & the rest was history. Haha
Mark: You did! Lol
Who said I love you first?
Mark: I did!
Deborah: Period! Mark was the first one. I will never forget it. We were in his 1967 Buick Skylark (Like it was sooo long ago Lol He actually has a classic car. It’s awesome! Sidetracked, this was around Christmas in 2013) and he told me that he loved me. I paused because I was taken aback, and I said “I love you too.” Sweet moments. (sigh)
If you fight or argue, what do ya’ll do to resolve it?
Mark: I say I’m sorry and we keep arguing. Lol
Deborah: You are not lying. Lol but okay can you be more more specific.
Mark: We let each other talk.
Deborah: Do we? Lol
Mark: Yeah…no that’s the way it should go.
Mark: We let each other talk and explain each other’s position. Then come to an agreement. And then apologize even if you weren’t wrong.
Deborah: Mmhm. I would even add, sometimes...we need to separate. We need to go our separate ways for the day and come together at the end when have sat in our feelings.
Deborah: And THEN, do what you said.
What is something Mark does that annoys you? (But we will both answer)
Mark: Ummm. (Long pause) I’m going to say…this one is a toughyyy. But we gon' have to put it out there.
Deborah: Just say it.
Mark: You don’t like to clean. That annoys me.
Deborah: THAT is the annoying thing?
Mark: Be real. Be real!
Deborah: Wow! Lol You know what I said. "OMG! Such a good question. I have just the answer for this. Lol So like he does this thing when he wakes up from sleeping or napping or simply when he is tired. He stretches and screams at the same time and oh my word! It drives me crazy. One of these days I am going to record him just so yall can see how loud and obnoxious it is." Hahaha
How long have ya’ll been together?
Deborah: I already broke it down. But I kinda wanna know if you know how long we been together. It’s going to blow your mind!
Mark: 8 years.
Deborah: (GASP) Aaah! You know! AWWWWWW!
Mark: (mocking me) Awwwwww!
Okay but let’s break it down tho! haha
I knew of him in the summer of 2013 through a dance company.
We started talking around November 2013. We talked and got to know each other for 6 months. He asked my parents for permission to date me during that time. They said no several times. Lol
They finally said yes so he asked me to be his girlfriend on May 17, 2014 over dinner at my parents house. The sweetest!
We dated for about 2 years and some months until….He proposed on October 10, 2016.
We were Engaged for about a year and got married on November 17, 2017 (3 years of marriage and some months)
So together TOGETHER, this year will be 8 years! But we technically on 7 years and some months. Lol
Time Line in Pictures <3
First Date Officially Dating Engagement Photos
What is y’all’s favorite meal to eat together?
Mark: Our favorite meal to eat together is Chicken Fried Chicken!
Deborah: That’s YOURS! Lol
Mark: Oh yeah okay…..Fadi’s!!! (Mediterrean Food! Yummy!)
Deborah: Okay yes, I will say Fadi’s & Taqueria Arandas with our Quesadilla Plates!
Mark: Oh yeah!
How do you deal with finances? Mine, yours, our accounts?
Mark: Just put Dave Ramsey! That’s it! Dave Ramsey. He will set you straight. He got all the answers for finances. Dave Ramsey. Everyone should do the Total Money Makeover!
Deborah: So this question, is more so for us though. On how WE manage our finances. So yes, we are doing the Dave Ramsey. Maybe not to the T, because you own your own business and you do that full time. You have access to my bank account. But we handle certain bills separately. I just started Boujee and Blessed so that is it's own thing too. So in full transparency, we have access to all accounts, but we keep them separate but we come together biweekly to assess our finances and talk about priorities and where our money should go. I also use Every Dollar to help me with budgeting.
What boundaries did ya’ll set during the intentional dating season?
Mark: A lot! We set a lot. We made sure that we were the right one for each other. We made sure that we were both intentional with our relationship.
Mark: And what I mean by that is "What is your absolute goal in this relationship?" To date, to get married within a few years, and to establish a long lasting life together. That's it. Not "let's see how it goes for a few years", "if it goes good, then we'll get married", and then "if we are good in marriage, then we will stay married", and then "if we stay married then, we'll go and do all these other things. No! Our marriage is not based on IF things go good or bad. Good and bad is always going to happen. You have to be intentional. So my intentions with you were to date you, to get married within a few years, to stay married and have kids and build a life around us. Not you do your life and I do mine and they we meet in the middle. We are doing life together.
Deborah: Very good, very good. I also think of this question and think maybe they meant sexual.
Mark: Ooh yeah yeah. Yeah well, we kept intimacy out of the beginning of our relationship before marriage. Why? Because that should be...kinda like the icing on the cake.
How do you respond when you don’t necessarily agree?
Mark: I be like okay let's do it your way. Cuz one of yall has to give in. You know what i'm sayin. It's like even if your way is the wrong way we are still gonna do your way cuz eventually you'll see that you are wrong.
Mark: Or I was wrong. You see what I am saying. And once we see that, then we can correct our own mistakes and be then listen to our spouse when we are making the wrong decision. See because we always want to be right. Always wanna be right.
Deborah: That's so good babe. Thank you babe for this interview. I recorded everything.
Mark: Okay...pay me. Lol
Deborah: Hahaha this is for my blog.
Mark: Pay me.
Mark and I have many discussions just like this one. They allow us to reflect on our marriage constantly. In order for that to happen there needs to be willingness from both sides to do this. To be honest, vulnerable, and real! Our heart is also to inspire other marriages to keep fighting for what God has joined together. I want to share a few resources, practices, & examples of what has helped us in our marriage.
1. Marriage 365 – Mark and I enjoy their Instagram page, their emails and their book where you get to connect with each other and ask each other questions daily. The book we have purchased from them is Marriage 365 Connection Questions for Couples. There is also one for families as well. We definitely recommend. https://marriage365.com/
2. When we go to bed or in random moments we take the time to ask each other how our love tank is and to be honest with what our needs are without getting offended. If for example, he says that he is at an 7. Then I say, "What can I do to make that a 10?". He will tell me what I can do to help & vise vera. Check in with each other. Put the phones down. Life can become routine-ish so being intentional in hearing out your partner is super important.
3. If you are in the dating phase, do not be afraid to ask and answer all the hard questions. Trust us when we saw that it’s better to get them out of the way and have that honesty and trust built in from the start. Don't get caught slippin' in unnecessary lies cuz they will come to light sooner or later boo!
4. Involve your spouse in everything you do and support one another. Mark and I always include each other in everything that we do. Since Day 1, I have been his biggest fan honey! Just the same he supports me! As creatives, I love our dynamic because we are constantly motivating and pushing one another. Don't let no one else hype him/her more than others do. Honestly, when I post, I can get all the sweet comments in the world, but when it comes from him...it changes my world!
I hope ya’ll enjoyed this blog! Remember that Valentine’s Day is not only on February 14th but EVERYDAY! Show love to your loved ones while they are here and give them flowers on random days! <3
I dedicate this video to my manssssss! I love you Mark!
I hope yall enjoy that too! Show love on YouTube if you can.